Sometimes the language we use around food and mealtimes with our little ones can make ALL the difference to how our little ones see and feel about food. I’ve been wanting to write about this topic on my blog for SUCH a long time and I’ve been lucky enough to have Dr Martha write this fab blog for me all about Mealtime Language Tips for helping kids to enjoy foods.
Getting kids to enjoy meals
When children show picky eating behaviours it can bring stress to the table. This can make it more likely that as an adult you make use of pressure tactics such bribes, coaxing, and rewards to entice your child to eat something, anything! It can help to know that Stress and Anxiety are natural appetite suppressors.
When you use pressure tactics this can increase stress at the table, which rather than supporting your child’s feeding, reduces their appetite and willingness to eat.
Paradoxically what helps children become willing participants at the dinner table is calm and having control about what and how much they eat. This doesn’t mean you have to offer your little one only foods they will eat.
In fact, doing this restricts opportunities for your child developing familiarity with foods and makes it less likely they will want to try new tastes. Instead, your responsibility is to choose what you want to feed your child and their responsibility is to choose how much and what they eat of what you have served (for more tips, see Charlotte’s blog on how to get toddlers to eat more).
This can feel like a big shift if your child has had control over their foods for a while. It can help to have words to guide you in managing mealtimes differently.
What to say to kids at the table
Some scripts that may be useful to you include:
Instead of: “Try some”
Try: “This is what we have for dinner tonight. You don’t have to eat it”
Instead of: “You need to eat, it’s lunchtime!”
Try: “How is your tummy feeling?”
Instead of: “Taste it! I’ll give you some strawberries if you do”
Try: “You can taste it whenever you’d like to ”
Instead of: “You don’t want anything? How about peanut butter on toast?”
Try: “You don’t want anything? That’s ok. You can go play”
Instead of: “You have to taste it before you say you don’t like it!”
Try: “You don’t like mushrooms yet. I hear you. You can leave them on the side of your plate”
Instead of: “Vegetables are good for you!”
Try: “Having a variety adds lots of colour to our plates!”
Mealtimes are not just about eating, they are social experiences
Think of how you would behave when you go out to a restaurant with a friend. You may spend a few minutes talking about the menu but for the most part you will be enjoying each other’s company.
Think of your family mealtimes in the same way.
Eating together as a family and creating a social space where food is part of the experience but not the sole focus frees kids to find their curiosity, explore, feel, look, and taste foods.
If you are going to talk about foods at the table, do so in a way that is explorative without loading your judgement or hope that your child will taste it. New foods can look strange, scary, and unappealing in colour, texture, or smell.
Talking and exploring foods in a neutral way (i.e. dessert is just food, it’s not a treat!) can help children to become curious so in their own time, they may be willing to taste them.
Limit talking about food during meals, especially if your little one is being a little picky, and if you do try following some of the steps below. Incorporate talking about foods in settings outside of mealtimes. At the food store, when you tidy them away in your fridge and cupboards and/or while you are preparing a meal. Think of this as an invitation to your child growing more familiar around food to shrink Anxiety with eating and reduce ‘mealtime battles’, rather than a means to make them ‘try it’.
If you are going to talk about foods at the table, do so in a way that is explorative without loading your judgement or hope that your child will taste it. New foods can look strange, scary, and unappealing in colour, texture, or smell.
Talking and exploring foods in a neutral way (i.e. dessert is just food, it’s not a treat!) can help children to become curious so in their own time, they may be willing to taste them.
Limit talking about food during meals, especially if your little one is being a little picky, and if you do try following some of the steps below. Incorporate talking about foods in settings outside of mealtimes.
At the food store, when you tidy them away in your fridge and cupboards and/or while you are preparing a meal. Think of this as an invitation to your child growing more familiar around food to shrink Anxiety with eating and reduce ‘mealtime battles’, rather than a means to make them ‘try it’.
Some prompts to help you talk about foods may include:
Talking point: What colour is it?
you saye.g.: “This tomato is red and orange, how different is that!”
Talking point: What shape is it?
e.g.: “Aw look, this broccoli stem looks like a tiny little tree!”
Talking point: What does it smell like?
e.g.: “hmmm these strawberries smell sweet!”
Talking point: What does it feel like?
e.g.: “This cauliflower is all bumpy. Hmmm… I wonder if it feels the same after we cook it…”
Talking point: How does it sound?
e.g.: “OH! These lentils sound a bit like rice when I put them in the pot. I wonder if you just listened could you tell the difference?”
Encourage your child to interact with food through their senses. Consider all the senses and pick one that feels easy for you (some prompts are easier with different foods!). Invite your child to join you in the exploration but don’t push them to ‘try’ as this may mirror their experience of eating and can make it less likely for them to want to look or touch the food.
Hopefully these tips will help you and your little one to explore the foods on your table in a fun and engaging way. In another blog, we’ll look at ways to make your mealtime environment positive for the whole family. If you’re looking for more advice on managing fussy eaters, check out Charlotte’s fussy eating factsheet!
About Dr Martha
Dr Martha Deiros Collado, is a clinical psychologist and HCPC registered practitioner with over 20 years of clinical and academic experience. She is also a mother of one, a yogi, a runner, and adventure sports enthusiast.
Martha’s expertise is in parenting, child development, and paediatric health. She specialises in helping children and their parents cope with distress taking a holistic systems approach that values the individual, their family, and the networks around them.
You can follow Dr Martha on her Instagram page.
