Supporting your Neurodivergent child through feeding challenges can feel overwhelming, especially when progress is slow or setbacks occur. This blog provides advice to help you better understand and manage these difficulties. We’ll cover ways to celebrate small wins, shift your mindset towards acceptance, regulate emotions during mealtimes, and set practical goals for progress. You’ll also find helpful tips on creating a supportive eating environment and fostering autonomy for your child.
Celebrating Small Wins
Progress may look different for a neurodivergent child. Noticing your child touching a new food, tolerating it on their plate, or smelling it without recoiling are all significant milestones. Any neutral or positive interaction with food, even if they don’t eat it, is a step forward. Celebrate these moments by offering clear, pressure-free descriptions such as, “You did really well touching the carrot today.” If celebrations feel overstimulating for your child, you can quietly acknowledge these wins to yourself—they pave the way for long-term progress.
Self-Awareness
As parents, it’s important to reflect on our own relationship with food and how this may impact our children’s feeding experiences. Our emotions and behaviours around mealtimes can influence how our children engage with food. For instance, if we approach mealtimes with stress, frustration, or a sense of urgency, our children may pick up on these emotions, which can create tension or anxiety around eating. If we’re preoccupied with getting ‘something’ or ‘anything’ into our child’s mouth, it can add pressure that may cause our children to resist or become more overwhelmed.
Co-regulation
where we regulate our own responses to create a calm, supportive environment—plays a key role in fostering positive feeding experiences. When we manage our emotions and reactions, we create a safer and more predictable space for our children to explore food, helping them feel more confident and relaxed.
Avoid Emotional Labelling
When it comes to mealtimes, avoiding emotional labelling of food and eating behaviours is essential. Describing food in emotional terms, such as saying “this is so yummy” or “if you eat this, mummy will be so happy,” can unintentionally put pressure on the child and may make eating feel like a performance or something that requires approval.
Instead, focusing on the physical and sensory elements of the food helps children become more familiar and comfortable with it. For example, describing a carrot as “orange” or an apple slice as “crunchy” helps shift the focus from emotional reactions to facts about the food itself. Similarly, guiding children to interact with food through play, like saying “let’s mash, mash, mash this potato,” encourages exploration and positive associations without the stress of emotional expectations.
Managing Expectations and Setting Functional Goals
It’s natural for parents to want their child to eat a balanced diet and enjoy a variety of foods. However, for neurodivergent children, these expectations may not always be realistic. Managing expectations and setting functional, child-led goals can make all the difference.
What Are Functional Goals?
Functional goals are realistic, incremental steps tailored to your child’s current abilities and needs. These might include:
- Touching a new food without eating it.
- Sitting at the table for five minutes without distress or tolerating being in the same room as a new food.
- Taking a sip of a new drink.
These goals focus on progress, not perfection, and acknowledge that every small step is a significant achievement.
Child-Led Progress
Involving your child in the goal-setting process fosters autonomy and builds trust. For example, you might offer them choices like, “Do you want to touch the food or smell it first?” Respecting their decisions empowers them and encourages participation.
Building Autonomy Through Feeding
Feeding is about more than nutrition—it’s an opportunity to build autonomy and life skills. By involving children in the process, from choosing foods to helping with preparation, you can empower them and foster a sense of control.
Practical Ways to Build Autonomy
- Choices at Meals: Offer two options, such as, “Would you like apple slices or banana?” This gives them a sense of control without overwhelming them with too many choices.
- Food Preparation: Let your child help with age-appropriate tasks, like washing vegetables or stirring ingredients. This not only builds familiarity with foods but also gives them a sense of accomplishment.
- Utensil Exploration: Allow your child to choose utensils or plates. Familiarity with tools can make mealtimes more comfortable.
- Food Shopping: involve your child during the food shop, you could create a visual shopping list and encourage them to find the different foods and put them in the basket.
Listening to Your Child
Observing and respecting your child’s cues is essential. If they seem hesitant, pause and let them set the pace. Over time, this approach fosters trust and collaboration, making them more likely to engage with food in meaningful ways.
Final Thoughts
Supporting your child’s feeding journey requires patience, understanding, and flexibility. By focusing on creating positive experiences and respecting your child’s individual needs, you can foster lasting progress and a healthier relationship with food.
For the final part of the series check out finding feeding support for neurodivergent children.
For easy-to-implement strategies tailored to specific feeding challenges, from PFD and ARFID to sensory sensitivities download our comprehensive guide available here.