I’ve written in the past about how to choose a highchair for your baby but one of the questions I get asked about all the time is what you can do to help your little one if they don’t want to stay put in it.
Now, how you handle this might depend on your highchair – once babies are older they generally move to highchairs that they can safely get in and out of themselves. But for younger babies they might be in a highchair and not able to get themselves down safely. It’s so important to sit with babies when they are eating, for multiple reasons but including stopping them trying to launch themselves out of the highchair at random moments.
So here are my top 5 tips to help your baby or toddler stay in their highchair. If you know a friend struggling with this, do pass them on – it’s honestly very common and can be frustrating for us parents. Try not to stress though, as there are things you can try and often it can just be a phase.
When I was weaning Ada (and way beyond the weaning stage too), I went through multiple phases of this and we’ve only just knocked it on the head to be honest. I did a lot of trial and error to try and work out how best to combat her wanting to frequently get down from the table during mealtimes. Try to remember that it is very normal for your toddler to refuse to stay at the table or for your baby to fidget in their highchair. It’s common for children to want to do this because they have a short attention span and don’t normally want to stay put in one place for long – especially if they’re not feeling very hungry. So if you have a child at home right now who doesn’t want to stay in their highchair or to sit at the table, it can be a good idea to have a read about the signs to tell if your baby is full. You can also check on portion sizing for your little one and check on how much food your toddler should be eating.
How you approach this may depend on the age of your baby, so I’ve broken down my tips into two sections below – one for younger babies and another for older babies/toddlers.
5 tips for encouraging babies to stay in their high chair
- Make sure they are comfortable in the chair. This can really easily be overlooked, but often babies don’t want to stay in the highchair if they are genuinely uncomfortable in there. They may not be well supported, may find it difficult to reach their food or their feet may be hanging, which can be uncomfortable. This can all make the experience of being in the high chair a bit more ‘hard work’ for them, meaning they may get tired of it more easily. Do check out the tips in my blog for choosing a highchair to find the best option to make sure your little one is comfortable in their chair.
- Make the high chair a happy place. If your baby is constantly becoming very upset in the highchair, particularly right from the start of a meal, it’s important to focus on creating positive associations with it. Try to spend time away from mealtimes doing fun activities in the chair – e.g. drawing/painting/messy play to help to move away from any negative associations they might have.
- If they are desperate to get out of the chair, and you’re comfortable with it, let them sit on your lap, even if just for part of the meal. Remember that it’s not forever, and allowing them to sit on your lap for a short time won’t create ‘bad habits.’ Try to focus on creating longer term positive associations with mealtimes and about making the mealtime a happy experience overall. You can gradually encourage them back to their chair by making the mealtime environment a happy place and showing your enjoyment/when they sit in front of you.
- Try to be realistic with how long they ‘should’ be sitting in the chair. It’s often a lot less than we think and so it may just be that the mealtime is going on longer than what is appropriate for your child’s personality or age. Try to make sure the food is ready (and cooled, if needed) when you put them in the chair, so they’re not sitting in there for longer than necessary and look out for those signs of fullness – finishing the meal when they’ve had enough.
- Remove distractions. This is another factor that we often forget, but distractions away from the table can make it really difficult for little ones to stay put! This certainly goes for both babies and toddlers but try to make sure there’s nothing more ‘appealing’ that they can see around the table. It’s also why a nice mealtime routine can help them prepare for the idea of food and mealtimes. So having a nice routine around meals and doing a little similar routine e.g. tiding away, washing hands, popping bib on and placing in the highchair, can help little ones to predict what’s coming next and we know they like familiarity!
5 tips for helping toddlers to stay in their high chair
It might sound counter-intuitive, but letting them out of their highchair safely or letting them get up and down from the table if they can, can actually be more beneficial than having them sit at the table when they don’t want to be there. Some kids (my Ada included) don’t like being strapped in and restricted, so keeping them there where they are unwilling to be may just result in them being reluctant for mealtimes and not wanting to come to the table for future meals.
- At the same time, it’s also advisable to set some boundaries. Decide to what extent you’re happy for your child to get up and down as well as when you want to bring the meal to an end. This is going to be very different for every family and there’s no right or wrong. We have a rule in our house that Ada can get down but “the food stays at the table”, because wandering around eating is a choking hazard. Try not to overly pay attention to them getting down – keep them safe, of course, but try and maintain your focus on your meal or others around the table to somewhat lure them back up. This usually works with Ada.
- Stick to using the same language each time your baby or toddler wants to get down from their chair. For example, you might say “that’s ok, you can get down, I’m going to stay sat here as I’m really hungry and I want to finish my meal” OR “You can get down, but the food stays at the table”. This keeps the messaging simple and consistent each time and avoid drawing more attention to it than that.
- Try to avoid letting your child run around with food or paying extra attention to what they’re doing away from the table. Instead, gently try to encourage them to want to come back to the table, by role-modelling or by making it pressure-free and enjoyable up there. This approach will likely take patience as it can take time to yield results!
- If you have a particularly energetic little one, try to make sure they’ve had plenty of opportunity to let off steam and be active before expecting them to stay still at the table. Children naturally want to move, so you may find that on days where they’ve been less active, they find it harder to sit still at the table. That’s totally fine, but it can be helpful to adjust your expectations on those days and think whether their need to move and be active is overriding their desire to stay at the table and eat.
One last thing for all ages is to have a think about their hunger…if they aren’t terribly hungry for the meal, they will have less desire to stay put at a table and be much more easily distracted by things around them. Having a mealtime routine can really help with this, so they aren’t grazing or filling up too much in-between mealtimes. You might also want to look at their milk intakes as milk is still a food and can fill them up and make them less interested in solid foods.
Remember that, as with lots of things when it comes to kids, these tips may not always work straightaway. It can take a fair amount of perseverance and patience, but try to find something that works for your family and stay consistent as much as you can!
Following these tips can help avoid mealtimes becoming a battle and help your toddler or baby feel like they have some control over mealtimes and that they’re not being forced into anything. Ultimately your aim is to make mealtimes a positive experience. Remember that it can take time. There are many benefits to family-style eating that can help you all. Sitting with your baby during weaning and beyond is a large part of teaching them how to behave. And finally, you can read more about the importance of mealtime environments when feeding your baby and toddler here.
I hope you found this post useful, for more advice on feeding your baby and toddler do visit my blog where you’ll also find lots of family-friendly nutritious recipes.
