Something that comes up often when talking to parents about feeding their kids, is how to know when they’ve had ‘enough’ food. Appetite regulation in young children is more commonly spoken about recently, but it can be difficult for parents to understand.
In this blog, I want to go through some of the most common questions I get when it comes to understanding when our children are full, how to help them to learn about their own appetites and how to help them have a healthy relationship with food.
I’ve written extensively about this topic in babies – see my blogs on portion sizes during weaning, how to know when your baby is full and what to do if your baby is eating too fast. However, I haven’t written a lot about appetite regulation in toddlers and young children, and it’s something I’m asked about regularly during my weekly Q&A sessions.
What is responsive feeding in toddlers?
You may have heard the term responsive feeding when it comes to babies, particularly around breastfeeding. I’ve also written about it in my book How To Wean Your Baby.
It’s less often spoken about when it comes to feeding toddlers and young children. The concept of responsive feeding is to trust that children are good at self-regulating their own appetite, and know when they have had enough food and when they are hungry.
As parents, society has often told us that we know best when it comes to how much our toddlers should eat and that we should be the ones dictating how much of any meal (or even food) gets eaten. However, research has shown that young children are able to self-regulate their energy intake and that whilst energy intake can vary meal to meal, their actual energy intake is generally consistent throughout the day. (https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/1985244/)
A concept we often talk about when it comes to feeding kids is the “division of responsibility.” This is a concept coined by dietitian Ellyn Sater, and it suggests that at mealtimes it is the adults responsibility to decide when, where and what is being served and it is the child’s responsibility to decide if and how much they want to eat.
Remembering this can really help when it comes to worrying about what and how much our kids are eating. As long as we’re doing our job, of providing regular opportunities for kids to eat balanced, nutritious meals, the rest is up to them!
I know many parents struggle with this concept, and it’s something that can take a lot of practice. But when phases of fussy eating or low appetites hit, remembering that you’re not actually the one in control of their appetite can make all the difference.
It’s also important to remember that growth slows down a fair amount in toddlerhood. Babies are growing at a huge rate, doubling their body weight during the first year. Toddlers on the other hand, whilst they’ve still got plenty of growing to do, the rate isn’t quite as rapid. They often go through phases of growth spurts where their appetite may suddenly shoot up, and then periods of less growth, where their appetite also becomes lower.
What if my child ONLY wants to eat one thing on their plate?
I ALWAYS hear from parents who come to me and say “I give my child a balanced plate, but all they want to eat is the pasta/yoghurt/fruit.” This is quite common toddler behaviour, and my advice to parents is often to consider what their child is eating across the whole day/week, rather than simply at one meal.
It’s perfectly normal for children (and adults) to have preferred foods and for them to want to eat more of those than other foods. It’s absolutely fine to give them more of those foods too if they want them and especially if they are balanced, nutritious options. Remember that when it comes to helping children learn to enjoy a variety of foods, it often takes time, patience and consistency. Focus on consistently offering a variety of foods and role model YOU enjoying them too, even if your child doesn’t want to eat much more than their preferred food.
Of course, you don’t always need to offer unlimited supplies of everything your toddler wants though. You can set consistent boundaries around how much you offer in some circumstances. For example: if you need to limit a certain food because you don’t have enough of it, it’s expensive or you need to save some for another family member or for leftovers, or if you think eating too much of it might make them feel unwell, then it’s totally fine to step in e.g. “We won’t have anymore of that now as I need to save some for tomorrow too. Would you like anything else from your plate?”
You might find they are disappointed or that they eat nothing else, but this is very normal and if you continue with your consistency around what you offer and how, with lots of role modelling and pressure free meals (see my Fussy Eating Webinar for more on this) it’s likely that they’ll eventually explore more than just their favourite items on the plate.
My child keeps saying they’re hungry but I’m sure they’ve had enough
Whenever I talk about letting kids eat to satisfy their appetite, I’m asked about what to do if you really think they’ve had enough, but they keep asking for more. I think communication and consistency are both really important here.
Learning to understand what hunger and fullness feels like can take a long time for young children, and as with everything else they’re going through in childhood, it’s a learning curve! If your child keeps on saying “I’m hungry” either in between meals or whilst they’re still finishing a meal, try to understand what they mean.
In between meals, children may say “I’m hungry” when they really mean something else – for example they may be bored or they want your attention for something. You can try to offer them connection in another way, for example by playing with them. If they stop saying that they’re hungry, then it’s likely that they were trying to express another feeling.
If, during mealtimes, you’re consistently finding that your child seems to be insatiable, try to look at what else is going on. Is it happening at EVERY meal? Or is there a particular meal where they typically have more appetite? Is it consistently this way, or is it something that has changed recently? It’s perfectly normal for children to have more appetite at one meal in comparison to others, and so it may just be that their appetite is particularly high as breakfast, for example. Other times, it could be that they’re going through a growth spurt, and you may find that just as quickly as their appetite shot up, it goes back down again!
As I mentioned above, it’s absolutely fine to limit some foods at mealtimes if you need to – either because you don’t have any more or you need to save it. But alternatively if you have plenty and they want more, it’s good to let them listen to their appetite. Teaching them hunger and fullness signals early on during weaning and toddlerhood can really help. If there isn’t any more of the meal left, and your child is genuinely still hungry, you can offer a “second course” such as yoghurt with nut butter, fruit or cereal – or anything you have available!
A few other tips for mealtimes:
- Try slowing the pace of the meal by offering a small portion FIRST and then offering seconds when they say they would like more
- Try to slow the meal by offering “sides” or finger foods along with food off of a spoon as this might help them with exploring more textures which can take time
- Encourage self-feeding as much as you can as this can help them explore their own appetites
- Practise communication around hunger and fullness signs. Make sure you say when you’re full and try and teach them to signal when they’ve had enough.
What if my child eats a tiny amount and then says they’re full?
Lots of parents also have the opposite question – where a child may take just a couple of bites and then say that they’re full and don’t want any more. This is also very common, and it’s all part of little ones learning about their hunger and fullness.
My main advice in this situation is to consider the context of the meal – what have they eaten for the rest of the day? What is the meal being served? Is it something new, or something familiar? What ELSE is going on? Are they tired, distracted or unwell? Appetites are so up and down, day to day and even meal to meal so try to look beyond just that ONE meal.
Try to use these opportunities as a learning experience with your children and talk to them about the feeling of hunger and fullness. Remind them that they don’t have to eat anything, but that there won’t be any more food until the next meal or snack. This is one of the reasons why having a consistent, predictable meal and snack routine can really help kids when it comes to learning about and managing their appetite. If they feel confident knowing when the next opportunity is for them to eat, they’re more likely to be able to follow their appetite and know that they don’t need or want to eat at that moment.
There are likely to be plenty of ups and downs as well as lots of pushback as little ones navigate these moments.
Help! My child is constantly asking for snacks but doesn’t eat much at mealtimes
This is a REALLY common issue for so many families, and I’ve written about this too in my blog ‘what to do when your child refuses a meal.’ Oftentimes, this is all part of toddlers pushing boundaries and learning to exert their independence. The first piece of advice I usually give to parents is to make sure that you have a consistent and predictable meal and snack routine and try to stick to only offering food during these times.
It can take some time for little ones to get used to a routine, but if they are familiar with the routine and they know when to expect mealtimes, it can help them to better regulate their appetite throughout the day and know when their next opportunity to eat is. It also helps you in holding the boundary and saying something like “it’s not time for a snack now, we will have something in 20 minutes.”
Sometimes, children will refuse meals and wait for snacks as typical “snack” foods can be more appealing, or easier to eat for kids. I try to encourage making sure that you’re offering a variety of foods at meals and snacks, to help avoid kids expecting or knowing they will get certain foods as snacks. I also advise making sure snacks are balanced and filling, to help make sure they are satisfied between meals, to help avoid them becoming over-hungry or asking for more snacks before the next meal is ready!
If you’re looking for snack inspiration, check out my 7 days of snacks or my no-cook snack ideas for when you really don’t have the time or energy!
I hope this blog has helped to understand a little bit better about how to help your little ones with learning about their hunger and appetite. Remember, it’s a learning curve for both you and your child, and it’s normal for their to be plenty of ups and downs. There is never a ‘perfect’ way when it comes to parenting, and it’s important to find strategies that work for you and your family.
Ultimately, try to remember that your child IS capable of regulating their own appetite, right from an early age and the more we can follow their lead and encourage them to communicate and listen to their appetite, the better their understanding will be as they grow.