Introduction
Feeding challenges are often misunderstood, especially when they involve neurodivergent children. Parents can feel immense pressure to “fix” their child’s eating habits, using strategies that may not align with their child’s unique needs. However, reframing the way we approach feeding can be transformative. By focusing on acceptance, realistic goal-setting, and celebrating progress, we can build a positive and empowering relationship with food—for both children and their families.
Reframing Feeding Challenges
It’s crucial to move away from viewing feeding difficulties as “problems to be fixed.” These behaviours are part of a any child’s unique profile and reflect how they experience the world, including children with Neurodiversity. For example, a child who refuses a particular food might not be stubborn—they may genuinely find it distressing due to its texture or taste.
Ultimately, the goal is to build a positive relationship with food, not to force a child into eating in a way that aligns with neurotypical expectations. Accepting and honouring their unique needs fosters trust and cooperation, which are key to successful mealtime interventions.
Acceptance is not about giving up; it’s about meeting your child where they are. It involves understanding their sensory and emotional needs and adjusting expectations accordingly. This shift in mindset can reduce stress for both parents and children, paving the way for more positive mealtime experiences.
Try this: Instead of framing eating behaviours as difficulties, think of them as a child’s food profile. This profile is shaped by their sensory preferences, motor skills, and past experiences. While some profiles may seem limited, they are not static. With patience and understanding, they can evolve.
Acknowledging the Loss of Idealised Family Mealtimes
A big step towards acceptance is acknowledging loss and understanding the grief of not experiencing ‘typical’ family mealtime. Many parents enter the world of feeding challenges with an idealised vision of family mealtimes. These moments often involve shared meals, happy faces, and everyone enjoying food together.
However, when a child faces significant feeding difficulties—whether due to sensory issues, oral-motor challenges, or medical reasons—it can be difficult to reconcile this ideal with reality. It’s important to give parents’ permission to feel the loss of these expectations and to acknowledge the sadness that can come with it.
Many parents tell me they feel judged by extended family or others who don’t understand the adaptations required for their child’s feeding journey. This judgment can feel even more isolating when others don’t fully understand neurodiversity or the complexities of feeding challenges. It’s vital to remind parents that they are not alone, and that these feelings of loss and frustration are valid. Letting go of these idealised mealtimes is part of the process, but it’s important to allow space for grief in this journey.
Positive Experiences Over Perfection
Instead of aiming for an idealised version of mealtimes, focus on creating positive, low-stress experiences. This could look like:
- Allowing your child to engage with food in non-traditional ways, such as playing with it or exploring its texture without eating it.
- Family-style serving: Let your child choose what and how much to put on their plate to give them a sense of control.
- Role modelling: Eat the same or similar foods without pressure on your child to join in; simply showing enjoyment can encourage curiosity.
- Sensory play away from mealtimes: Explore foods through activities like painting with purees or creating sensory bins with dried pasta or rice.
These experiences build familiarity and reduce anxiety by allowing children to explore food without pressure, fostering comfort, curiosity, and sensory tolerance, which can lead to greater acceptance over time.
Reframing Success at Mealtimes
Success at mealtimes looks different for every child. For some, it’s trying a new food; for others, it’s simply sitting calmly at the table. By redefining success and managing our expectations, you can create a more positive and supportive environment for you and your child.
Examples of Success
- Your child touches a piece of food they’ve avoided in the past.
- They sit through an entire meal without showing distress.
- They engage in food play, like squishing or smelling new textures.
Each of these milestones is a step toward a more confident and adventurous eater.
Conclusion
Shifting the narrative around feeding challenges is not just about changing behaviours—it’s about fostering understanding, acceptance, and trust. By celebrating progress, managing expectations, and building autonomy, families can create positive mealtime experiences that work for their child’s unique needs.
This is the second post in our series exploring neurodivergence and feeding. The third post in the series is a parents guide to understanding your neurodiverse child.
For easy-to-implement strategies tailored to specific feeding challenges, from PFD and ARFID to sensory sensitivities download our comprehensive guide available here.