Mealtime routines are the foundations to building stress free and happy mealtimes. Starting with a routine is so important for your child’s sense of security, predictability and appetite. This blog will walk you through how to build a mealtime routine using the division of responsibility, some examples of mealtime schedules and what length of time is appropriate for meals.
Why are mealtime routines so important?
Security and predictability
Many of us like to know what is going to happen day to day and having that predictable routine is really important for young children. Even for a baby, little ones tend to like routines and predictability with their caregiver. This can help them feel secure knowing when to expect and it’s very much the same with mealtimes and snack times for young children.
Establishes a healthy appetite
Having a regular routine or pattern of eating supports your child’s appetite and their own understanding of their own appetites. If meals and snacks are spaced out appropriately and offered at similar times as part of a routine, then your little one will likely be able to feel and understand those natural signs of hunger and fullness at the appropriate times.
Sets expectations for eating times
Having a nice routine allows us to set expectations for when children should eat their meals and avoids children often asking for extras or grazing throughout the day on foods. This often leads to children and parents not knowing what and how much has been eaten and not being able to follow their own hunger and fullness cues too!
Makes mealtimes more enjoyable
If children are calm and expect mealtimes to come and are ready for them (hungerwise) it can reduce stress and therefore make them more inclined to eat and even try new foods.
Use the division of responsibility
This is also known as DoR. It divides the responsibility at mealtimes between the child and parents so they each have a role. This looks like:
- Parents decide what, when (schedule or routine), and where food is offered – such as pasta and sauce, as lunchtime around a table.
- Children choose whether to and how much of the food to eat.
It can help parents to feel less burdened by knowing it’s not their responsibility to decide how much their child eats at any meal or snack time.
If you’re finding yourself worried that they aren’t eating enough, then firstly it’s important to remember that you can’t predict their appetites, it’s also helpful to remember that appetites in young children vary hugely and it might also be helpful to look out for signs which I cover in my blog about how to tell if your child is full.
What should a mealtime schedule look like?
This depends on the age of your child/children and how many meals and snacks are offered. Also, ideally meals and snacks should be spaced at least 2 hours apart to ensure they are hungry enough to eat.
Here are some guidelines on determining appropriate meal and snack times based on age and activity levels – please remember every child is different and this is just a general guide.
Under 12 months
Babies don’t require snacks under 12 months. Just work on gradually building up to 3 meals a day at your baby’s pace. Typically babies will progress to 3 meals a day between 7- 9 months but every baby is different and some will take longer. If you want to know when and how to do this check out this blog.
1 – 3 years (example feeding schedule)
This is an example and will depend on other factors such as if they are in childcare, if they wake very early. The important thing is spacing out the times and building in consistency and sometimes building in 1-2 snacks a day.
- 7:00 a.m.: Wake up
- 7:30 a.m.: Breakfast
- 10:00 a.m.: Morning snack
- 12:30 p.m.: Lunch
- 1:30 p.m.: Nap
- 3:30 p.m.: Afternoon snack
- 5:30 p.m.: Dinner
- 7:00 p.m.: Bed *
* Younger babies might still have milk feeds at bedtime. This will depend on your baby’s age and stage. As they get older the milk feeds may integrate into snacks. I cover this in detail in my How to Wean Your Baby book.
4 years +
As they get older you may want to introduce another snack such as a bed time snack if you feel they need this.
So their routine will look something like this.
- 7:00 a.m.: Wake up
- 7:30 a.m.: Breakfast
- 10:00 a.m.: Morning snack
- 12:30 p.m.: Lunch
- 3:30 p.m.: Afternoon snack
- 5:30 p.m.: Dinner
- 7:30 p.m.: Pre-bed snack (optional)
- 8:00 p.m.: Bed
Also to note, that giving some flexibility to this is ok. These are examples, to build a regular routine and pattern rather than rigid times. Some children don’t work well with so many snacks and eat bigger meals, other children might not get on so well with big meals and needs smaller meals more often…it varies from child to child, so always take that into account too.
Establish a pre mealtime warning
Once you have established a mealtime schedule, such as above. It’s important to build a pre-mealtime warning and possibly activity into the routine too. This makes it easier for your child to come to the table regulated and in a calm state, ready to eat.
There are a few ways you can do this, such as a verbal warning of 5 – 10 minutes saying ‘dinner will be ready in 5 minutes, please put your toys away’. Or another way is using visual cues such as a timer, particularly good for young children who don’t really have the concept of how long 5 minutes is!
Set the timer for 5 minutes so they can see how long they have to finish what they are doing. This also gives them a chance to regulate themselves if they are not wanting to come for the meal.
Involve children in meal preparation or activity
After they have had warning of the forthcoming meal, you may want to include some activity such as helping with final meal preparation or an activity like laying the table. This sets the next stage of the meal and many children like the idea of being involved in some of the prep, it also helps to build life skills.
Depending on the age of your child will depend on what task is most appropriate. Here are some simple suggestions:
- Laying the table
- Pouring some foods into serving dishes
- Preparing some simples sides or condiments such as grated cheese, seeds, chopped vegetables
- Taste testing parts of the meal
These are also great ways to get exposure to foods to help with any fussy eating.
Managing mealtime length
Setting reasonable time limits for meals will maintain structure without causing frustration to get down. Depending on the age of your child will depend on the appropriate amount of time they are likely to be able to sit at the table.
Typically the younger your little ones the less time they will be able to sit still at the table and concentrate on eating – they’ll likely want to get down and explore. Here are some suggested mealtime lengths, but again it’s hugely likely to vary.
- Keep mealtimes between 15 – 30 minutes
Whatever the age of the child, mealtimes are generally more manageable if they are no longer than 30 minutes, especially with children who are more reluctant to be in the chair. Prolonging mealtimes just makes children more stressed if they are having to sit still at the table. Most children will have eaten what they want by the first 10 – 15 minutes. However if your child is happy sitting at the table and enjoying foods then there is no reason why they can’t stay at the table for as long as you want. It’s perfectly fine too.
Be guided by your baby or child and be responsive to when they have had enough to eat. Check out these signs on when to know your baby is full.
It is important to end meals on a positive note, regardless of how much was eaten. Which brings us onto the end of the mealtime, clean up.
End of mealtime
It is great to get your child involved in clear up as this signals the end of the mealtime. Clear up by letting them pile plates up, asking them to help with taking stuff to the kitchen, giving a cloth to help wipe the table etc.
For babies that need to be cleaned up, wait until the end of the meal. Cleaning up during the meal can cause distress for babies and young children and not associate this with a pleasant mealtime. If you struggle with mess, then find out how to deal with weaning mess.
So putting all these steps into practice, to build a mealtime routine will take some time. From using the division of responsibility, putting a schedule in place that is appropriate for your child, using the right mealtime length and being responsive to your child will all help create calmer, happier mealtimes if you do this consistently.