Every day I’m asked questions about how to handle food refusal or how to deal with fussy eating. I know it’s one of THE most stressful parts of parenting young children, yet it’s also something MOST of us will go through during our parenting journey!
When food refusal occurs it can be really tempting to encourage them to “eat up” or to have “just one more bite” but I wanted to give some reasons as to why I wouldn’t generally advise doing this with young children. You can also read my advice on what to do when your child refuses a meal, here for more detailed information on food refusal in general.
Why should you stop asking your child to have “one more bite”?
We may think that simply encouraging “one bite” of a meal isn’t a big deal. However, even though getting good nutrition into our kid’s diets is important for us as parents, another element that is just as (if not more than) important is helping them to establish a healthy relationship with food. Part of this is giving them autonomy over their own appetites and not putting pressure on them to eat anything they don’t want to.
Over time, encouraging them to eat above what they want can mean that they lose the ability to follow their own appetite and may lead to them overeating. It also teaches them that they are eating to please others, rather than eating because they are hungry or that it makes them feel good.
This “pressure” to eat up may also have a negative effect on their mealtime enjoyment and also their willingness to eat foods as research shows that pressures around foods often backfire.
I’ve written quite a bit about how to tell if your child is full, and how to help them learn to follow their appetite – and it’s best to try to follow their lead with HOW MUCH they want at mealtimes.
Additionally, children’s appetites are affected by so many factors, and it’s important to remember that it’s perfectly normal for children to eat a lot at one meal, and then not a lot at others. See more about enjoyable mealtimes here.
Instead of asking them to have ‘just one bite,’ you could try saying:
- How does your tummy feel?
- You don’t have to eat any more if you don’t want to
- If you’re still hungry, you can have another bite
To learn more about mealtime language tips to help fussy eating, check out my blog.
‘One bite’ doesn’t help as much as you think
It’s also worth bearing in mind that whilst as adults we might think that that “one more bite” may be helpful in achieving:
- Extra nutrition and calories
- Getting them to try something then might then like and eat more of
- Being more full or satiated from the meal
How our children may experience this pressure to have one more bite might be very different. For example they might:
- Feel a sense of expectation to eat to please you
- Feel pressure to try something that makes them feel uncomfortable
- Feeling somewhat out of control and lack autonomy
- Feel uncomfortable after eating if they weren’t hungry or didn’t like what was on offer
- Unhappy at the mealtime environment
In these situations, you may achieve your child taking one small bite of food, but it doesn’t necessarily provide them with anything meaningful in terms of their overall nutrition intake AND it can actually result in a number of negative emotions around mealtimes for your child.
If we can take a step back and try to avoid adding any pressure or expectation onto our children at mealtimes in terms of their own appetite, it can actually make a huge difference in how willing they are to try a meal or how much they eat.
When it comes to meal times, it’s up to us to provide the food, and up to the child to decide what and if they want to eat – this helps set up autonomy, good appetite regulation and allows your child to listen to their own cues around foods.
I’m aware that there may be situations where children really aren’t eating well and you feel at a loss with what to try next. Especially after reading this blog about NOT pressuring them to eat at meals. However, this is where my Fussy Eating crash course can really help. It’s a deep dive into WHY fussy eating happens and WHAT we can do to reduce it.