If your child often eats up everything they’re offered at nursery/childcare but refuses the exact same foods at home, you are definitely not alone. So many parents ask why do kids eat better at nursery and have this frustration as well as often are left wondering if they’re doing something wrong.
The reality is that there are often clear reasons why this happens, and actually lots of strategies you can apply at home! In this blog we’ll explore why children often eat better at nursery than they do at home and what you can do (or not do) about it!
It’s more common than you think
It’s such a common frustration from parents. Their nursery update tells them their child ate everything that day, but at home they’ll refuse most foods and seem to have only a handful of foods they’ll regularly eat. Some parents even try asking the nursery for recipes or offer the exact same meals at home, only for those meals to be totally rejected too!
It can feel so disheartening, but it is completely normal. Children behave differently in different environments, and mealtimes are no exception.
Why do kids eat better at nursery?
So why is it that children often eat better when they’re at nursery than they do at home? There are a few reasons why it could be the case.
1. Predictable routines
In most childcare settings, meals and snacks happen at exactly the same time, every day. Routine and predictability are really useful for children, especially when it comes to mealtimes. It can help with their appetite regulation, and also emotional regulation to be able to come to the table hungry and ready to eat.
At home, life is, understandably, often less predictable. There are many other variables influencing the day – e.g. naps, siblings, work schedules, other commitments. Snacks might be offered more frequently between meals or gaps between meals might be longer/shorter, there may be more distractions around and they may be engaging in quite stimulating activities which affect their energy and capacity for eating.
2. Peer role modelling
Children learn from watching others – and in childcare settings, they have plenty of other little (and big) role models. They sit alongside the other children, and sometimes the staff too and they eat together. Seeing others eat or try the food can help to build familiarity and give them the confidence to try as well.
3. No alternatives on offer
In most cases, nurseries have only one meal on offer at each mealtime, and no alternatives. If a child doesn’t want to eat a meal, they’re not generally offered anything else. Children tend to understand and accept this. They know that this is what’s on offer and the next eating opportunity won’t be until the snack or meal time.
At home, this can be a much trickier boundary to hold. Children may hold out for a preferred food if they’re regularly offered alternatives, or if meals often turn into a battle or negotiation. It can be really difficult for parents, but generally speaking, offering alternatives regularly can often make fussy eating worse.
4. Less emotional attachment
It’s no secret that children often save their most challenging behaviour for when they’re at home. This absolutely applies to mealtimes as well. Children are less likely to push boundaries at mealtimes in childcare settings than they are at home. At home, they feel more safe to express their independence and test the limits.
Refusing food at home isn’t necessarily ‘bad’ behaviour – it may be your child expressing their autonomy in their most familiar environment.
5. Low-pressure mealtime environment
Many childcare settings tend to follow a responsive feeding approach. I know this really isn’t always the case, but there may be less pressure, bribing or negotiations at mealtimes in childcare settings. The nursery staff simply don’t have the capacity to negotiate with each child and they’re also often paying less individual attention to each child. This can actually be a good thing for many children. Kids can be really aware of how adults, especially their parents, feel about what, or how much they’re eating, and that can end up feeling like pressure at mealtimes. Pressure reduces appetite and actually makes kids less likely to eat, or try foods.
It’s totally natural that at home, parents are more emotionally invested in what their children are, or aren’t eating, than the staff may be at nursery. But the lack of pressure in a childcare setting can actually help children to feel more relaxed and able to focus on eating.
6. Structured mealtime environments
A typical nursery mealtime usually involves quite a clear start, middle and end to the mealtime. They usually have a routine before the meal – they might tidy up their toys, or all wash their hands before they sit down. They may then all sit down together whilst the food is brought out. There are usually very few distractions (e.g. no TV, toys are put away). And when the meal is finished they may all help to clear their plates away or go to wash their hands again.
These structured mealtimes help children to understand the routine and know what to expect. Mealtimes at home may be less structured or predictable – for completely valid reasons, but that can in turn end up impacting how much capacity little ones have for meals at home.
What can you do at home?
Whilst it’s not practical, or necessary, to completely replicate the nursery mealtime at home, there are many things that you can do when it comes to mealtimes at home to help if you’re struggling with your little one refusing foods at home. For example:
- Build a predictable routine. Try to offer meals and snacks at roughly the same times each day, to help your child build an appetite for each meal. A simple mealtime schedule – e.g. breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner – gives them that same predictability they get at nursery.
- Eat together whenever you can. I know this isn’t always realistic for many families, but whenever you can, take the opportunity to sit together with your child and eat with them. Even if it is just a mini meal or snack for you, eating with them and being their role model can help in the long run.
- Try not to offer alternatives. This can be tough, but offering one meal for the family and allowing your child to eat what they need from it can make a huge difference. It can take time to get used to, but combined with a predictable mealtime schedule, it helps children to know what’s coming and follow their internal hunger cues
- Keep the pressure off. Try to avoid phrases like “just one more bite” or even praising them for finishing their meal. You might find this blog on mealtime language for fussy eating useful.
- Reduce distractions. Turning off screens and clearing toys from the table can help your little one focus on the food in front of them.
- Use descriptive language about the food. Instead of saying “it’s yummy, try it!” or “but you love this meal,” try simply describing the food in a neutral way – e.g. “these peas are small and round” or “this pepper is red and crunchy.” Remember that exposure to food doesn’t always have to mean eating it, and learning about the different sensory properties of food can help to build familiarity and confidence.
- Try a pre-mealtime routine. It doesn’t need to be complicated, but giving a sort of ‘mealtime warning’ lets kids know that it’s soon time to stop what they’re doing. If your child is particularly dysregulated or full of energy before coming to the table, try to give them an outlet for that energy before they sit down.
When to seek support with fussy eating
If your child is going through a fussy eating phase, and you are wondering why do kids eat better at nursery, then the contrast between nursery and home can feel even more stark. Remember that fussy eating can be really common, and it’s not a reflection of your parenting. There is plenty that you can do at home to make mealtimes feel more manageable and less of a battle.
However, if you’re worried about your child’s eating and whether it might be more than fussy eating – it may be worth speaking to your GP or Health Visitor for further support. This blog may help you to understand when it’s more than fussy eating, and what you can do about it.
And finally, if your child eats brilliantly at nursery and barely anything at home, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. By borrowing a few of the strategies nurseries use – routine, role modelling, low pressure, and no alternatives, you can create a mealtime environment that supports your little one to explore and enjoy food at their own pace.