Are you tearing your hair out at mealtimes, wondering how on earth to get your little one to eat? Firstly, I want to reassure you that you are absolutely not alone.
Fussy eating is an incredibly common and completely normal developmental phase. It often peaks between 18 months and 3 years as toddlers’
growth rates naturally slow down and they begin to crave more independence.While it can be incredibly stressful, there are plenty of things that we can do to support our kids and make mealtimes feel like less of a battleground. Here is how you can help support your toddler, whilst staying sane as well.
1. Look at the bigger picture
It’s completely natural to worry that your toddler isn’t eating enough to grow. However, pressure can often backfire, and make little ones less likely to eat. They can usually sense how we feel about their eating, so trying to take a step back and stay calm at mealtimes can make a big difference. It is absolutely easier said than done, I totally understand that.
Instead of focusing on what they’ve eaten in a single day, try looking at their intake over a whole week. Young children are generally really good at self-regulating; so it’s quite normal that it might feel like they’re insatiable one day, and then eat barely anything the next. They don’t need to be eating a perfectly balanced meal at every mealtime to be getting enough in the way of balance.
If you are genuinely worried about faltering growth, or that they’re not getting the right nutrients, you can have their growth assessed by a healthcare professional, or speak to a nutrition professional about their nutritional intake. You can also read more about what a balanced diet actually looks like in my blog.
2. Establish a predictable routine
Toddlers thrive on predictability. Having a regular schedule for meals and snacks helps them regulate their appetite and know what to expect.
While snacks can be really helpful for keeping them going between meals, and for t
opping up nutrition, constant “grazing” throughout the day means they have less of a chance to really build up an appetite for mealtimes.- Move away from grazing: Try to find a mealtime routine that works for you and your family. Not every child needs 3 meals and 2 snacks every day, but it’s helpful to stick roughly to a predictable routine that works for you.
- Make snacks “mini-meals”: Instead of offering a plain cracker or a single piece of fruit, make snacks balanced and satisfying to keep them going until the next meal. For example, try adding some nut butter and fruit alongside a cracker, or a yoghurt dip alongside some fruit.
For more inspiration on snacks, how to make them balanced and plenty of ideas for what to offer, check out my guide on balanced snacks for toddlers and young children.
3. Remember the “Division of Responsibility”
If you haven’t heard of the concept of the ‘Division of Responsibility’ when it comes to feeding kids, it can be a really helpful reframe for us as parents. It’s a concept developed by Ellyn Satter, and it sets out very clear roles in the feeding dynamic between an adult and a child:
- Your job as the parent: You decide WHAT food is served, WHEN it is served, and WHERE
- Your child’s job: They decide WHETHER to eat it, and HOW MUCH of it to eat.
By moving away from the idea that it’s your job to ‘get’ your child to eat, you take the pressure off both you and them, which can be really helpful in the long term. Instead of bribing or pressuring them to take “just one more bite,” you take away the power struggle and support them to listen to their own internal appetite cues. As long as you are providing them with regular opportunities to eat a balance of foods, including foods that they are familiar with and accept, you are doing your job as the parent. You can read more about language tips for fussy toddlers here.
4. Use supplements as a safety net
If you are constantly worried about nutritional gaps when your toddler is refusing foods, supplements can be a helpful safety net. The recommendations in the UK are that all children all children aged 6 months to 5 years take a daily vitamin supplement containing vitamins A, C, and D. For children with a more limited diet, a multivitamin containing iron may also be beneficial. You can read more about whether your child might benefit from a nutritional supplement in my blog.
When should I worry that it’s more than fussy eating?
Fussy eating is, more often than not, a temporary phase, but it’s important to trust your gut. You may want to seek extra support from a GP, pediatric dietitian, or health visitor if you notice:
- Faltering growth: They are losing weight or dropping centiles on their growth chart.
- Extreme restrictions: They eat fewer than 15–20 foods, or are completely cutting out entire food groups.
- Physical distress: They frequently gag, choke, or vomit when eating, or show intense fear/anxiety at the sight of food.
This is far from an exhaustive list, and I do have a detailed guide about understanding when to worry about your child’s fussy eating, so do check that out if you are concerned.
I also have plenty of resources on this website to support you with fussy eating, and you are definitely not alone if your finding your toddler’s eating habits challenging. Here are some more resources to support you:
- Fussy Eating Crash Course – a detailed session helping you to understand why fussy eating happens, and what you can do to support your child
- Factsheet: How to Cope with Fussy Eating
- My book, How to Feed Your Toddler takes you through those tricky toddler years, with plenty of advice, reassurance and simple recipes.
- My blog, is packed with plenty of free information around the topic of feeding kids to support you with understanding normal behaviour, and how to support your child